So this one time when I was working on a cruise in Alaska I got kidnapped by some locals and taken to a house party celebrating the return of several Alaska Park Ranger Ornithologists. The rangers had just spent 3 months in the isolated tundra observing birds. So they were extra lively (I mean that with the most sincerest of sarcasm) My kidnappers were made up of 1 hilarious wacko chick who drove a rusted out old cop car, a guitar playing bush pilot and the mayor’s daughter.
We were in Juneau and all I wanted was some crab. That’s it. I’ll pay anything…I just want to stuff my face with nothing but crab. After asking some locals they suggested that I take the tram up to the top of Mt. Roberts. There is a restaurant at the top that has all you can eat buckets of crab. Hell to the yes. Tram me up, baby!!!
Glorious view. 2 buckets of crab. And a bib covered in dribbled butter. It was heaven!
While in the joint, I overheard my soon-to-be kidnappers egging to cute dreadlocked bartender to come to my table and make a pass at me. He was too chicken to.
But as I was leaving the bush pilot follows me out and like any good wingman…he strikes up a conversation with the hopes that he can still pitch his friend’s case. After explaining that I will only be in port for another 8 hours (we were there for a full 12 that day!) he decided that there was no chance of an Alaskan one night stand for me and his friend. So he conjured up his lady sidekicks and they rode the tram down with me (20 min ride or so)….needless to say by the time we got to the bottom I had been convinced to go to this house party with them. I had 8 more hours. What the hell was I gonna do? I already got my crab. That was the extent of my plans. So I made the very wise decision of allowing myself, a lone female, to get into a stranger’s car to be whisked away to a strange house with the promise of booze.
*pause* My Mom was not too happy hearing this story for the first time. LOL!
Before getting in the rusty old cop car, I am serenaded by the pilot. And then I watch him stick his bike in the cop car bumper like it was a bike rack. Shiiiiiiiiit. It WAS a bike rack. An ingenious one that came with the car. Brilliant.
I spent the next 7 hours drinking under duress. And clearly not having any fun at all! The 4 of us agreed that the bird people were really awkward. I ended up having a total blast….and stumbled my way back to the ship that night . I got kidnapped. I got drunk. I made new friends. Fuck yeah Alaska!
